Smile and Wave
January 25th, 2009Barrack Obama, that mother of all tribunes, has finally come to our rescue, ending our long national nightmare. Now he must give himself the greatest possible chance of success. And he can best accomplish this by doing what he does best: being there for America in its times of need, but not actually doing anything.
Obama’s meteoric rise from obscurity can largely be attributed not only to his silver tongue, but to his uncanny ability to eschew unpopular or controversial stands. Just imagine if he actually voted up or down on those nearly 130 bills in the Illinois senate where he bravely voted “present.” Just imagine if he ever voted against his party leadership while in the US Senate, or had even voted more often. Just imagine if he had taken clear stands on contentious issues. He would’ve certainly upset one of his many diverse constituencies and possibly would’ve lost somewhere along the road to glory.
And he will most certainly lose support as president if he ever does anything remotely bold; that is, if he ever shows leadership. For then, how could he mean everything to everyone?
This can’t and needn’t happen.
It’s no secret that Obama hasn’t the necessary experiences to be chief executive. He’s never managed anything. Not once has he solved even the simplest of problems. This, though, is not a drawback — it’s an asset, as why would anyone expect he’d magically be able to do any of this now that he’s become president?
All he has to do is give flowery speeches, peppered liberally with “hope” and “change,” and sign whatever bills our great Democratic lawgivers bestow upon him. And if a bill (or bills) turns out to be controversial or even disastrous, it won’t be his fault, as he can honestly say that only Congress makes laws.
The same applies to whatever policy those wondrous apparatchiks implement. If something goes awry, simply throw the most expedient person under the bus — just like he did with his minister.
Plausible denial — that’s the ticket to electoral success.
And if a major international crisis occurs, he should do exactly as he’s done before: he should encourage the belligerents to seek a peaceful, diplomatic solution. And if they don’t, it certainly won’t be his fault. He, at least, tried.
This applies even if the crisis directly involves us — even if we are attacked. He should just give speeches at the UN, cast blame upon everyone but him, and sue for justice. And if that doesn’t work, he can always hope that Americans will soon forget, as they usually do.
But never, never should he risk popularity as the previous president did, regardless of the consequences.
When confronted with a problem, he should simply close his eyes, take a deep breath, and remember the immortal words of Skipper the Penguin: “Just smile and wave. Smile and wave.”
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© Copyright 2009 by Colin Cohen. All Rights Reserved.
