Smoking in Big Government
April 13th, 2009For many years, we have used the federal government as a means for reducing cigarette smoking in this country — for the sake of our citizens’ health. And with great success. But now we must reverse this trend. We must reverse it for the sake of something far more important than people’s well-being: big government.
President Obama and his adherents in Congress recently made good on their pledge to tax the rich — and only the rich — when they raised the federal sales tax on a pack of cigarettes from $0.39 to $1.00. This more-than-250% increase has the potential to create a massive influx of revenue that could be used for all sorts of necessary expenditures — such as pork projects, bailouts, and sinecures. That is, if there were a sufficient number of smokers.
Since 1965 — when the government first began regulating smoking by instituting warning labels on cigarette packs — the number of cigarettes consumed in the United States has dropped significantly — from the 26.5 billion packs sold at that time to the 17.5 billion packs sold in 2007. A staggering reduction, especially when you consider our population has increased by nearly a hundred million people during that period.
So, if — by eliminating the federal government’s obstruction of smoking — we could increase the number of cigarette packs sold to the level of 1965, the government would generate an additional $9 billion in tax revenue annually. But, if we could increase the per-capita rate of cigarette smoking back to 1965 levels, the government would generate an additional $22.5 billion per year, from the more than 40 billion packs sold.
But just imagine if, in addition to this, the government actively promoted cigarette smoking. If the government’s discouragement of smoking effectively reduced it in half, the government’s encouragement of it should increase it two-fold — possibly generating as much as $80 billion in revenues each year.
In support of this illustrious goal, we should forthwith change the warning label on cigarette packs to the following:
COMPTROLLER GENERAL’S WARNING:
Cigarette Smoking Causes Significant Government Revenues.
The Lack of Which Would Be Detrimental to the Health of the Country.
That should get people smoking again!
And it’s just a start. Not only should we allow cigarette television advertisements once again, but we should also create government-endorsed PSAs — praising the benefits of smoking — and force broadcasters to air them. Finally, we could hold periodic Smoke Bombs — special days where everyone in the country smokes as much as possible.
Perhaps we can even get President Obama involved — by having him do his smoking in public — as his tens of millions of adoring admirers would surely follow his lead.
Smoking may indeed be bad for your individual health. But in the new collective society we’re building, people must think beyond themselves and look toward the good of the whole. And in this sense, smoking can only be considered beneficial, and must be advanced — regardless of the potential physical cost.
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© Copyright 2009 by Colin Cohen. All Rights Reserved.
