A Place for Hate
May 11th, 2009The House of Representatives recently passed a new federal hate crimes bill, taking us one step closer to finally making thought a criminal offense — a worthy goal that would surely be attained if not for the bill’s few incidental violations of the Constitution.
But this need not deter us from this most noble of causes. For as the Obama administration has backed down from its previous commitment to end the tribunals at Guantanamo Bay, we can incarcerate these dreaded haters there — without charges or trial.
The Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act of 2009, when enacted, will upgrade certain violent crimes to federal offenses if — in addition to some federal nexus, which we will certainly make up out of thin air — the perpetrators’ motives are perceived to be related to the victims’ sexual orientation, gender identity, or disability. In effect, they will be punished for their thoughts. This is a good thing, because hate is always bad — except, of course, when we do it — and therefore must be eradicated from society.
Unfortunately, the bitter revanchists on the Right will likely challenge this law in the courts — on grounds that it not only violates the First Amendment, but possibly also the Fourteenth, which guarantees equal application of laws. And as long as the so-called “Big Five” remain in the Supreme Court — those blind and antiquated jurists who stubbornly cling to their Constitution — they could very well prevail.
We cannot allow this to happen. The solution is quite obvious: Guantanamo Bay.
As is well known, the previous administration used this base in Cuba as a means to circumvent the Fourth Amendment; that is, as a place to imprison enemy combatants indefinitely, without charges. While we progressives and candidate Obama chided them for this, and called for it to end, President Obama has recently found this type of detainment acceptable and wishes to continue it — so therefore it must’ve been hunky-dory all along.
And if placing prisoners there was good enough reason to avoid enforcement of the Fourth Amendment, it should certainly be good enough reason to avoid the First and Fourteenth as well.
Once this policy is established, any accused individual even suspected of having prejudice during the commission of an allegedly violent act will be sent to Guantanamo, where all means short of torture will be used to bring these malefactors to justice, including waterboarding. There they will be denied all habeas corpus rights, and thus can be kept under chains indefinitely — or until they learn to love gays, women, and cripples as much as we do.
The fear alone of this type of punishment should be sufficient to remove even a scintilla of bias from any potential perpetrator. Just think what this will mean. At last we’ll all be free to enjoy the type of open society we aspire to have.
Well, at least some of us will be free to enjoy it.
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© Copyright 2009 by Colin Cohen. All Rights Reserved.
